Chrisidious
12-14-2007, 05:29 PM
"Lucifer.. Confabulation looms a requisite."
Lucifer frowns.
LUCIFER: "One moment."
VOICE: "An instant you predilect is the emaciation of three blinks."
Lucifer frowns, once more.
LUCIFER: "STOP USING BIG WORDS, ~!"
Lucifer waits for it.
Nothing.
LUCIFER: "Seriously though, hold on. I'm about to beat this game, once and for all."
Lucifer grips the guitar sternly, and maintains his focus.
It's the last song on the hardest difficulty, and by god, Lucifer will become the true Guitar Hero.
Unfortunately, by god, the game ceases to exist.
VOICE: "Did you forget to pay for this month?"
Lucifer bursts the guitar into flames.
LUCIFER: "IS THIS ABOUT ANNA NICOLE?!? YOU CAN HAVE THE BITCH! I DON'T FUCKING NEED HER!"
God laughs, and shows himself.
LUCIFER: "Did you just get done watching Star Trek? Why do you look like William Shatner?"
God checks out his gut, embarassed.
GOD: "Excuse me."
LUCIFER: "Bill Nye, The Science Guy?"
GOD: "Shit. One more time."
LUCIFER: "Beyonce? That's what I'm talking about. Let me check out the basement."
GOD: "God damnit."
LUCIFER: "YOU CANT SAY YOUR NAME IN VAIN!"
God settles on Morgan Freeman, from Bruce Almighty.
GOD: "If I can't, then who can?"
LUCIFER: "I thought you were mad when they made you look black?"
God shakes his head.
GOD: "I was not mad, I was confused."
LUCIFER: "Whatever, nigga. Why'd you fuck them over on the sequel, then? You got them motherfuckers to spend two hundred million on a movie you knew would only draw fifty."
GOD: "Erroneous."
LUCIFER: "You're such a damn liar. I'll never understand why they worship you.. Fucking make some apples, and humans get all star-struck."
GOD: "Would you care to know why I'm here?"
LUCIFER: "Not really. I'm more interested in knowing why evangelicals can't say "satan damnit." They'd be damning me, right? I'll get Tim Tebow to start it. That's my nigga in the cut, everybody just thinks he's one of your children. I can't wait to see some "satan damnit."
Morgan Freeman frowns.
Or God, whatever.
LUCIFER: "You're not the only one allowed to have a slur, motherfucker."
GOD: "Jesus doesn't have a slur."
LUCIFER: "Does to. Sweet Jesus."
GOD: "Sweet Jesus is a compliment."
LUCIFER: "Them stupid fucking humans don't think so. You obviously haven't spent as much time as I have in the booth, lately."
GOD: "It's football season."
LUCIFER: "You're right. What's up?"
GOD: "Would you like to conclude this Terry Woods business?"
LUCIFER: "What, the game?"
GOD: "Yes."
LUCIFER: "Sure, why not?"
Two chairs, and a table, appear out of nothingness.
An already played bout of Jenga lies on top of it.
Morgan and Satan sit down.
LUCIFER: "Whose move was it?"
GOD: "..."
LUCIFER: "You don't remember?"
GOD: "..."
LUCIFER: "How the fuck can you not remember?"
GOD: "It was your turn."
LUCIFER: "You're guessing."
GOD: "Am not."
LUCIFER: "Are fucking too. Whatever, I'll take my turn."
Satan surveys the structure.
Most of the good pieces have been removed, but he locates one.
GOD: "Bet it falls."
LUCIFER: "Bet it dont."
He slides the piece out slowly.
The structure begins to float upwards.
LUCIFER: "STOP CHEATING!"
The structure returns to the table.
GOD: "Hm?"
Satan removes the piece.
The structure stands.
Satan starts singing.
LUCIFER: "I got a servent! I got a servent! I got a servent! I got a servent!"
GOD: "The game isn't over, yet."
LUCIFER: "I'm not losing to somebody who got killed by Josh Hartnett."
Morgan Freeman frowns.
LUCIFER: "Go, motherfucker."
Morgan surveys the structure.
He cannot locate a good enough piece.
LUCIFER: "No cheating, motherfucker. Last time we did this, you wouldn't let it fall."
GOD: "I miss Jon Benet."
LUCIFER: "You'd still have the little bitch, if you played Jenga by the fucking rules."
GOD: "I'll trade you Evil Knievel."
LUCIFER: "Fuck that guy, Jon Benet Ramsey is the tits. All the heathens can't believe that bitch is down here, skipping and shit."
Gopd studies a few moments longer.
GOD: "It appears as if no matter what piece I take, the structure's going to fall."
LUCIFER: "I bet it was your turn when we started."
GOD: "It was."
LUCIFER: "I KNEW YOU FUCKING GUESSED!"
GOD: "I used to be human, okay?"
LUCIFER: "That Jesus shit don't count. Where's Mary been, with her fine ass?"
God frowns.
GOD: "The Virgin Mar-"
LUCIFER: "Magdalene, motherfucker. Nobody's talking about that prune you fucked. Jesus is the one with taste."
GOD: "..."
LUCIFER: "What?"
GOD: "I was looking forward to reuniting Terry with his family."
LUCIFER: "That's sweet. You're such a romantic. Hasn't Rick James been fucking his wife?"
GOD: "Woods wouldn't know that."
LUCIFER: "How the fuck did Rick even get into heaven?"
~< ( o ) >~
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
That's all Terry could think as he awoke, wiping the crust from his eyes.
Leyla lied next to him, but they hadn't spoken in days.
She was still sickened by what she heard.
Sickened by what she saw.
Solace would walk through the door any minute now, with breakfast in his hand.
Being kidnapped had it's perks.
Cirillo had spent the last few days gathering up all Terry's assets, for the move to Italy.
Terry didn't want to leave the states, but he had no choice.
No choices, at all.
Lucifer frowns.
LUCIFER: "One moment."
VOICE: "An instant you predilect is the emaciation of three blinks."
Lucifer frowns, once more.
LUCIFER: "STOP USING BIG WORDS, ~!"
Lucifer waits for it.
Nothing.
LUCIFER: "Seriously though, hold on. I'm about to beat this game, once and for all."
Lucifer grips the guitar sternly, and maintains his focus.
It's the last song on the hardest difficulty, and by god, Lucifer will become the true Guitar Hero.
Unfortunately, by god, the game ceases to exist.
VOICE: "Did you forget to pay for this month?"
Lucifer bursts the guitar into flames.
LUCIFER: "IS THIS ABOUT ANNA NICOLE?!? YOU CAN HAVE THE BITCH! I DON'T FUCKING NEED HER!"
God laughs, and shows himself.
LUCIFER: "Did you just get done watching Star Trek? Why do you look like William Shatner?"
God checks out his gut, embarassed.
GOD: "Excuse me."
LUCIFER: "Bill Nye, The Science Guy?"
GOD: "Shit. One more time."
LUCIFER: "Beyonce? That's what I'm talking about. Let me check out the basement."
GOD: "God damnit."
LUCIFER: "YOU CANT SAY YOUR NAME IN VAIN!"
God settles on Morgan Freeman, from Bruce Almighty.
GOD: "If I can't, then who can?"
LUCIFER: "I thought you were mad when they made you look black?"
God shakes his head.
GOD: "I was not mad, I was confused."
LUCIFER: "Whatever, nigga. Why'd you fuck them over on the sequel, then? You got them motherfuckers to spend two hundred million on a movie you knew would only draw fifty."
GOD: "Erroneous."
LUCIFER: "You're such a damn liar. I'll never understand why they worship you.. Fucking make some apples, and humans get all star-struck."
GOD: "Would you care to know why I'm here?"
LUCIFER: "Not really. I'm more interested in knowing why evangelicals can't say "satan damnit." They'd be damning me, right? I'll get Tim Tebow to start it. That's my nigga in the cut, everybody just thinks he's one of your children. I can't wait to see some "satan damnit."
Morgan Freeman frowns.
Or God, whatever.
LUCIFER: "You're not the only one allowed to have a slur, motherfucker."
GOD: "Jesus doesn't have a slur."
LUCIFER: "Does to. Sweet Jesus."
GOD: "Sweet Jesus is a compliment."
LUCIFER: "Them stupid fucking humans don't think so. You obviously haven't spent as much time as I have in the booth, lately."
GOD: "It's football season."
LUCIFER: "You're right. What's up?"
GOD: "Would you like to conclude this Terry Woods business?"
LUCIFER: "What, the game?"
GOD: "Yes."
LUCIFER: "Sure, why not?"
Two chairs, and a table, appear out of nothingness.
An already played bout of Jenga lies on top of it.
Morgan and Satan sit down.
LUCIFER: "Whose move was it?"
GOD: "..."
LUCIFER: "You don't remember?"
GOD: "..."
LUCIFER: "How the fuck can you not remember?"
GOD: "It was your turn."
LUCIFER: "You're guessing."
GOD: "Am not."
LUCIFER: "Are fucking too. Whatever, I'll take my turn."
Satan surveys the structure.
Most of the good pieces have been removed, but he locates one.
GOD: "Bet it falls."
LUCIFER: "Bet it dont."
He slides the piece out slowly.
The structure begins to float upwards.
LUCIFER: "STOP CHEATING!"
The structure returns to the table.
GOD: "Hm?"
Satan removes the piece.
The structure stands.
Satan starts singing.
LUCIFER: "I got a servent! I got a servent! I got a servent! I got a servent!"
GOD: "The game isn't over, yet."
LUCIFER: "I'm not losing to somebody who got killed by Josh Hartnett."
Morgan Freeman frowns.
LUCIFER: "Go, motherfucker."
Morgan surveys the structure.
He cannot locate a good enough piece.
LUCIFER: "No cheating, motherfucker. Last time we did this, you wouldn't let it fall."
GOD: "I miss Jon Benet."
LUCIFER: "You'd still have the little bitch, if you played Jenga by the fucking rules."
GOD: "I'll trade you Evil Knievel."
LUCIFER: "Fuck that guy, Jon Benet Ramsey is the tits. All the heathens can't believe that bitch is down here, skipping and shit."
Gopd studies a few moments longer.
GOD: "It appears as if no matter what piece I take, the structure's going to fall."
LUCIFER: "I bet it was your turn when we started."
GOD: "It was."
LUCIFER: "I KNEW YOU FUCKING GUESSED!"
GOD: "I used to be human, okay?"
LUCIFER: "That Jesus shit don't count. Where's Mary been, with her fine ass?"
God frowns.
GOD: "The Virgin Mar-"
LUCIFER: "Magdalene, motherfucker. Nobody's talking about that prune you fucked. Jesus is the one with taste."
GOD: "..."
LUCIFER: "What?"
GOD: "I was looking forward to reuniting Terry with his family."
LUCIFER: "That's sweet. You're such a romantic. Hasn't Rick James been fucking his wife?"
GOD: "Woods wouldn't know that."
LUCIFER: "How the fuck did Rick even get into heaven?"
~< ( o ) >~
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
That's all Terry could think as he awoke, wiping the crust from his eyes.
Leyla lied next to him, but they hadn't spoken in days.
She was still sickened by what she heard.
Sickened by what she saw.
Solace would walk through the door any minute now, with breakfast in his hand.
Being kidnapped had it's perks.
Cirillo had spent the last few days gathering up all Terry's assets, for the move to Italy.
Terry didn't want to leave the states, but he had no choice.
No choices, at all.